that's my sewing work. and my little poodle!
When I first moved to Massachusetts I was just going to college and gettin’ the hell outta dodge. Over 10 years later, I refuse to leave! I like to say that there’s a virtual electric fence of progressive politics around Massachusetts and it will forever be my state of residency. This is the BEST state in the union (US, you understand) and everyone who reads my blog in a non-ironic way should move here immediately. Immediately! Here are my top 4 reasons why:
- Gay marriage.
- State-sponsored health insurance for all (MassHealth rocks baby!).
- Decriminalization of possession of marijuana under an ounce.
- A long history of radical political actors thinking deep thoughts on this soil.
(Oh and btw, autumn in Massachusetts is gorgeous!)
CONTRAST: Yesterday, the neighboring state of Maine put the civil rights of a minority group on the ballot for the majority to vote on. Guess what? WE LOSE.
And it slaps me in face (again) how privileged I am.
In Massachusetts, in Boston, in my sweet little separatist bubble, living a lesbian feminist lifestyle is Whatever. I’ve purged the haters. So really, it’s no thang that I love the ladies. Or that I shun the menz. Wha-evs. No one cares. Here, in my beloved Massachusetts, we’ve had the right of same-sex marriage for over 5 years. It has NEVER been on the ballot, nor do I expect that it ever will be. It’s a done deal thanks to the Supreme Judicial Court’s Goodridge decision and Democratic control of the state legislature. Awwwww, yeah!
The rights of a minority group, the civil rights of ANY group really, should NEVER EVER be determined by the majority. In fact, every major civil rights victory in the history of this fucked-up nation has been won via judicial mandates. Do you think women or people of color would have the right to vote (or work on the free market) if we allowed white men to vote on it? NO. Would we have equal access to education? NO. Would interracial couples be allowed to marry? NO. Would women be allowed the “right” to birth control or abortion? NO. What if we allowed the populace to vote on whether taxes should be eliminated? BAD idea. Well, it’s not in the constitution (explicitly, that is). Taxes would be outlawed and vigilantes would rule the county; fire and violence would prevail. Roads would become impassable, bridges would fall, homelessness would become normal. In short, MAYHEM would ensue.
Duh. People are mean and stupid.
We must be saved from ourselves. Yes, its authoritarian and paternalistic. Domination of the masses: that’s the way forward. Yeah, I said it.
My sister loves me!! This is one of TWO woman-focused books she got me for my birthday. Also, the Amazon universal wishlist toolbar button rocks.
Well, sisters, it seems that my obsessions may have shifted during the last moon cycle. I am now much too busy practicing the FEMININE ART of sewing to be here complaining about how y’all don’t appreciate the value of femininity in general. I realize that some of you may feel oppressed by my feminine celebration of sewing (yay: artsy-craftsy!!!), but I’m sure that once you see what I’ve been working on that you will feel similarly empowered and/or empowerfullized.
Check this out!
Mittens without a pattern!! And I'm also crafting a matching striped dog coat for my poodle. No, I'm not kidding. Pictures to follow.
This is what I do instead of endlessly surfing the internet and getting mad about queer use of the (supremely sacred) term GENDER to mean anything they damn well please.
Look, I make different sized baby hats!
Also, I’m teaching my miniature poodle to jog with me. She’s getting much better already. At first I had to drag her along, which resulted in me looking like an animal abuser (even though she was NOT tired because as soon as I let her off the leash, she ran like the wind). Now she’s trotting next to me like a good girl. So yeah, I’m working on sewing her a dog coat to match my striped mittens. So gaaaay! So feminine!!!! Bwahahahahahaha!!! (<<that’s my Evil Laugh)
PS. Everyone is clear that I’m not a Radical Feminist, right?? I want this to be KNOWN. Because I’m too post-modern (pomo!) and I insist that theory should evolve in response to social and contextual “progress.” Maybe I should make a general announcement. Well, first I’ll have to tear myself away from the domestic arts and other womanly stuff. So, maybe later.
PPS. New article posted @ Feminist Reading Group: The Mythic Mannish Lesbian: Radclyffe Hall and the New Woman. Read, download, print, discuss, etc.
PPPS. Undercover Punk (the blog) has officially posted ONE THOUSAND comments. Omg.
Jennifer McLune of Celia’s Revenge has asked me to link to her latest post titled:
A Black BITCH Hunt: The Aftermath of Challenging Off Our Backs Magazine On Their Racism
I support the confrontation of racism within feminist organizations, communities, and individuals. And I support women, like Jen, who refuse to sit down and shut up. May the force be with you, my sister!
Seriously. I love being in my thirties.
I have a Birthday Philosophy. It goes something like this: I’m having a good time & NOBODY is gonna stop me. I don’t work. I don’t do chores. And I laze around like a pig.
Take good care of yourself. Sleep in. Plan ahead. Do the little things that make life joyful for you. Favorite outfit, favorite food. You get the idea.
Never outsource your happiness, but especially on your birthday. It only comes once a year, so don’t let ANYONE rain on your parade. I’m having fun whether anyone else does anything nice for me or not. Cuz I’m taking care of myself and today is ALL ABOUT ME, baby.
CHEERS!
My favorite person in the world and I went to the sculpture park.
The sharks are always my favorite. I lie flat on my back to show them my belly. That's the way to get the best pictures.
Love.
Oh, yeah.
Ok, let’s start by talking about why men suck: because it’s virtually impossible to divorce men from the gendered conditioning of male and to purge them of the belief that they are the superior gender. Men have so thoroughly and so unpleasantly internalized the gendered propaganda about “masculinity” that they are beyond redemption. At least, this is the way I think about it. Why do I hate men? Because of what society’s gendered conditioning has done to them! I hesitate to say that I hate men on a biological basis (though I do find them less aesthetically pleasing than women in general), but I definitely hate them in their socially conditioned state of male. I don’t like all that presumptuous energy, that entitlement to my femaleness, taking up space around me.
Now, let’s apply this logic elsewhere by asking ourselves the same question about women. If the most radical of feminists (and most Radical Feminists-ha!) disapprove of femininity as a byproduct of social conditioning, AND, if we, as holistic beings, cannot be deprogrammed from the social conditioning that we’ve internalized, I must ask how this might implicate hating women? Oh yes I diiiid. Blasphemy! Can you believe I have the gall to even ask such a question???
I’m serious though. Hear me out. I know it’s nice and all to think that we can separate the abstract concept of femininity from women themselves. And maybe in some ways or situations we can. But I have good reason to believe that the distinction isn’t quite as clean as we want to believe.
I first wondered about this feminine-hating thing a few months ago in the wake of the semantic value disagreement. At the time, I wasn’t interested in fanning the flames of blog combat. But I recently read a post written by an anti-femininity feminist (AFF for short, please) who bravely articulated some of my concerns. This anti-femininity feminist’s internal reaction to the sight of feminine women was one of deep suspicion; she presumed hypocrisy on the part of aesthetically feminine women claiming to be feminists. How could a woman who shaves her legs or wears skirts not be currying male favor and attention in exchange for her sexual corveé?
In my experience, this is a commonly shared view among similar-minded feminists (AFFs). And yes, I too, know that nasty feeling. It isn’t something I’d usually be keen to discuss, but I think it’s about time we confronted it. So, I will admit to you, my dearest internet sisters, that I’ve been known to make some really harsh assumptions about women based on their appearance alone. The nasty thoughts crop up fairly predictably whenever I see a woman with fake blonde hair wearing a lot of pink. Or showing an excessive amount of skin (don’t ask me what the parameters are, I know it when I see it, ok??). I assume that I won’t like her; I assume that she’s not particularly introspective or politically conscious. I might even assume that she’s a tool of The Man!
Now let’s just be honest, OK? This is NOT a nice or loving way to conceive of other women! At all. So let me just go on the record here as saying: it’s not OK. Not. At. All. It is NOT woman-loving. It’s not compassionate. And it is not supportive. I suggest to you, my sisters, that it is woman HATING.
Thank you.
Now, we can be critical of femininity all we want. But let’s not make it personal, ok? Even if you hate all femininity and refuse to be softened to any arguments in defense of it as a way of being, even if you truly believe we’ve all been snowed by patriarchal propaganda, let’s not blame the “victim.”
Separating real female humans from the social conditioning of “feminine” in pursuit of authentic woman-loving requires, in my opinion, curbing those negative reactions to real world displays of femininity. Thank you again.
Please also see Female Chauvinist Pigs for more hating on girly-girls.
Oh yes, yes, I do. And my question is: do you think it’s OK to talk about menstruation with your co-workers? I’m inclined to say no, we shouldn’t do that. But why not? It’s totally natural. And totally universal for women (past, present, or future!). The reason I don’t–or haven’t, I should say, since I’ve been more open lately– is because I think people (primarily men) feel free to make negative assessments about your professional judgment. You know, you mention PMS once and suddenly you’re a crazy bitch on the rag all the time-even according to other women!
So, I don’t have particularly terrible physical symptoms. I’m bloated, I have cramps, but 3 Advil every four hours does the trick. I can’t really complain given what I know other women go through. However, my mental health suffers quite noticeably when I have PMS. I’m sad, cranky, paranoid, depressed, I cry a lot and I can’t “handle” much of anything. Basically, my frustration tolerance goes waaaaay down. Now, if this lasted for three to four days ending predictably in my period, I’d know exactly what I was in for and for how long. But I have a really long cycle that can last up to 37 days (good thing I’m a lesbian!). So there I am, day after day after day after day, eating brownies by the pan, crying whenever I drop my pencil, and getting variously pissed and nervous every time I get a message from someone. Ugh! Many times it’s so bad that I have to question my own judgment! And thank goddess my partner will talk me down when needed. I might’ve done some really regretful things if she wasn’t around to keep me in check!
Back to work. Sometimes I feel like I should disclaim my passionate frustration with a particular situation by reference to my PMS. Because it’s true! Not every time I’m legitimately upset; but there are definitely times that I *know* I’m reacting more strongly because of my hormones. Last month, I blurted something like that to my boss (oh yeah, by the way, I can also be impulsive). Then I explained how I don’t usually say things about my PMS, blah, blah, people think you’re a crazy woman, blah. She laughed it off and was like, whatever! Who cares what people think! I was grateful, but I wondered how other women think about period-talk in the workplace.
One of my old bosses used to work in sales; when she had PMS her female boss would put her on the accounts that needed to be paid and/or had outstanding issues. She’d get in there, take no shit, and finish the deal. I thought that seemed like a productive way to harness hormonal intensity! But apparently everyone in the office knew about her period. Maybe the guys were jealous of her extra boost of fire? No, I doubt it too. Even though they should be! Gawd.
I don’t work in sales. I’m one of those people who wants to get along with everyone (I know you’d have never guessed! Oh what a Good Girl I am!). And I don’t have an outlet for all my emotional angst (um, except blogging). I just have to try really hard not to cry at work!
So , do you talk PMS at work? In front of the guys? What about your boss? Do you think we *should* be able to talk about it? I do. Especially as a fan of radical openness, I think we should be able to discuss the factors that affect our behavior. But I don’t think we’re there quite yet.
I made these little baby hats while menstrating. SO PROUD. (And no, I don't want any babies of my own. Don't even mention it to me!)
Feminist Reading Group is on HERE!
It’s not perfect, it needs work, it needs YOU!
The wordpress url is feministtheoryreadinggroup because someone already took the FRG one. I hope that someone more creative than myself will suggest a better name than FRG anyways. BRING IT ON.
I posted “discussion questions” just to get shit started, but you can comment on whatever you want including my typos. The article looks really long, but it’s not that bad. Promise. I HATE SCHOOL and I don’t read books. Believe it! I like pictures 
. If I can do it, YOU CAN DO IT. Comments will be accepted about just about anything–even if you only read the first paragraph.
This is the first reading: Philosophy is Not a Luxury, by Ruth Ginzberg (no association with the SCJ).
The project needs some moderation & article management volunteers–please volunteer!
And some discussion rules–please discuss!
It will be migrating to a new, independent, reading-group-focused blog page tomorrow–where there will be copy & past-able text (in addition to the scanned pdf images). Ooooh! Please read.
Thank you in advance for your anticipated participation and cooperation.
So I’ll be following all of this, but if I read “ban this woman she’s a racist” or “that woman is a _______” well I’m going to step back and say hey, what’s this really all about, and chances are it is simply the fact that not all women agree…
-quoting Sheila G.
Sisters, we need to think about the practice of banning women from our blogs.
In general, I do not support banning. We all make mistakes, right? Yes! And we all have slightly different opinions and preferences such that, if we are looking to fight, they can all too quickly and easily escalate into full blown blog wars. Goddess knows, there’s no shortage of material to argue over! What’s more difficult- much more difficult- is to maintain your civility and continue to demonstrate respect in the face of reasonable disagreement.
Now, once again, I find myself in an arguably hypocritical situation. Hey, not the first, and I’m sure not the last time! (That’s what I get for opening my big mouth on the internet.) If you read here regularly you know that I’ve banned people, maybe most memorably, Sheila G. 
However, she and I have been able to resolve the original cause of my outrage and Sheila G has been posting at Undercover Punk exclusively under the handle Sheila G (as far as I’m aware- and that’s all I want). In regards to other points of philosophical disagreement between she and I-of which there are plenty!-there is NO NEED to foster interpersonal hostility over political divergences. We can discuss other, more fundamental issues that we agree more fully on, such as LOVING WOMEN. See Sheila’s words above: “not all women agree“! So true!!
Except under circumstances amounting to a PATTERN of disrespect, hostility, contentiousness, or deception, I don’t think that the practice of banning women from participation in feminist discourse serves us, personally or collectively, in any way. I’m sure I could add a few more adjectives to my exception, but I think you get my drift in regards to the fact that there may be circumstances in which separatism from someone IS called for. It may be temporary (as it was here for Sheila G) or it may be permanently.
There’s also an important distinction between personal, blog-specific “bans” and calls to ban an individual from multiple blogs. I will not be complicit in continuously interacting with someone who calls names, refuses to agree to disagree, or who is otherwise contributing to discussions in a persistently negative manner. I may very well ban such individuals from my own blog. I do not, however, think we should ask our sisters to ban someone we have issue with. If she is a sister indeed, she is our Equal and she can make that judgment herself, without external pressure from the community.
Fact-specific and issue-specific disagreements are inevitable! But they shouldn’t mushroom into ultimatums. That’s what I’m really trying to saying here. Can we agree on that?
Or maybe agree to disagree with good reason? HA!
Women have much more important issues to discuss than fostering unpleasantries amongst ourselves.
FOLLOW UP NOTE: Seeing as how I had my head up my white ass, I didn’t realize how explosive the issues between ww and woc had become in the past 24 hours. This was written and published in response to Sheila G’s comment on my blog and NOT in light of the events that have only in the past 1/2 hour come to my attention. Please believe!
